just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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