if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
