why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
