I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
