whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
