I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
