wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
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