It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
