First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize