Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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