i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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