so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
