don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
