we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
