I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
