were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
