ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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