Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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