I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
