is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
