At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
