never play flip cup with pint glasses
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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