Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
