Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
