Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
