He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
