you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
