Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
from now on my penis is your penis
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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