man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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