Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
