Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
