i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
