Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
