I heard we made out
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Randomize
