People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
