nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
