I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
we're making bets on your personal life
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
