we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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