I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
