The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
