OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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