I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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