he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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