i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
someone owes me an orgasm
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
