We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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