Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
