I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
