"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I have post one night stand depression
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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