Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
