literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
