i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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