Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize
