he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
