you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
