So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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