it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
