I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
