Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
