I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
