I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
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