haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
