Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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