If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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