So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
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