dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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