i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize