I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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