What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
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