threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
whose parrot is this?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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