Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
my liver is dry heaving
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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