Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
