it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
