Don't make out with my wife yet
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
