Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
