its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize