2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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