my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
