If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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